2025 #42: Delay but not forgotten🎞⏳️9 | Back to Motherland Diary PART 1

 

Returning to the Motherland: My Bittersweet Trip to the Philippines

It took me a while to finally sit down and write this. Five months, to be exact. But here I am, ready to share the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that came with my big trip to the Philippines back in May—a journey that was deeply personal and long overdue.

After ten years away, returning to the motherland felt like stepping into a memory that had been waiting patiently for me to come back. This trip wasn’t just about sightseeing or catching up with relatives—it was a mission of the heart. I went to bring my father’s ashes home, back to his birthplace in Pangasinan. That responsibility weighed heavily on me. It was a bittersweet act of closure, one I’m still emotionally processing.

Grief is strange. It doesn’t follow a timeline, and it doesn’t care how many months have passed. I think about my dad every day. Talking about him still makes me emotional—there’s a swirl of regret, gratitude, and longing that I haven’t quite untangled yet. One day, when I’m ready to bare it all, I’ll write an open letter to him. But for now, I’m holding space for those feelings and honoring them in quiet ways.

Despite the emotional weight, this trip gave me the chance to reconnect with family—some I hadn’t seen in years, others I was meeting for the very first time. I stayed at my uncle’s house, where my cousin generously opened her room to me. That gesture alone made me feel so welcomed and loved.

I revisited places from my childhood, indulged in exotic fruits you can only find in the Philippines (hello, mangosteen and rambutan!), and soaked in the familiar chaos of jeepney rides. There were new buildings, trendy coffee shops, and businesses popping up everywhere—but the soul of the place remained the same. And yes, the heat was still that piercing, humid kind that clings to your skin and makes you question every outfit choice.

A big chunk of my trip was spent dealing with paperwork—because, as anyone who’s navigated the Philippine bureaucracy knows, it’s a maze of outdated systems and ever-changing rules. Every day brought a new form, a new requirement, and a new level of patience I didn’t know I had. What started as a simple correction turned into passport photos, last-minute health insurance, and even a trip to the police station for national clearance. It was exhausting, confusing, and borderline comical—but somehow, I got through it.

After we laid my father’s ashes to rest, I was finally able to exhale. I carved out time for leisure, laughter, and a little adventure. I met up with RV—my fabulous gay bestie—and his crew for a weekend getaway at my uncle’s guest house and a beach trip we’d been dreaming about for years. We’d never had the chance to be in the Philippines at the same time, so this reunion felt extra special. It was short, but it was pure joy.

There’s so much more to share, and I promise part two is coming soon. For now, I’m grateful for the healing, the chaos, the reconnections, and the quiet moments that made this trip unforgettable.